Religion

Perhaps one of the biggest shifts in our little family has been our involvement in religion and the development of our faith.  When I really sit back and think on it, that has possibly played the biggest factor in our current path and the biggest thing that has changed since our big move.  I'm Catholic.  I was raised Catholic and went to church every weekend and prayed before meals and observed holy days of obligation...while I lived at home.  Then I got older and went off on my own and kind of left all that behind.  Sure, I usually went on holidays and I got married in a Catholic church but that was the biggest involvement I had. After marriage we went together for Easter and Christmas.  That's pretty much it.  Then we had our daughter and I knew I wanted her raised in the church - or at least knowing what the inside of it looked like.  We had her baptized and occasionally went to weekend mass, but we still were not consistent.  We got to a point where we were really trying to get our daughter to sleep through the night and routine (and not nursing them to sleep) is supposed to be crucial for that, so we began putting her in her crib awake and saying prayers with her as the last thing EVERY NIGHT.  Thus began our family praying together.  Several months later I had a bad dream/scenario that I mentioned to my sister and she brought up demonic oppression.  Uh, yeah, okay, sure.  But she had planted a seed.  I started thinking about how we just seemed stuck and somehow no longer seemed able to focus on improving ourselves and the world around us and we seemed to be pulled down by situations that surrounded us (perhaps I'll expand on those some day) that I honestly felt were toying with evil and I did not want to raise a child around.  We were being buried in so many different ways.  So, when we said those nightly prayers I started adding a bit on about helping us to make the right decisions for our family.

Then things started to change.  We seemed to have more focus and that is when I brought up moving during one of our nightly walks Downtown.  From there, things seemed to line up.  Those prayers every night continued and we asked for guidance and strength.  In one way or another, we got it.  Trust me - I don't think anyone that knew my Husband (especially my husband!!!) and me at that point would think that we were sitting around, the three of us, praying out loud together, at bedtime.  But we were.  I knew that when we moved we would have to find a parish.  I looked online at all the Catholic churches and tried to decide which one to try.  I found one that mentioned a tot playgroup where the parents took turns teaching the lessons each week and I knew that is the one I wanted to try!  Things got busy with our move, settlement was scheduled but the job still was not secured - and we got the last minute news that my husband was suddenly not accepted into Idaho State's NP program.  Some road blocks for sure.  My husband did a trip out to do a hard push for employment a couple weeks before our scheduled move.  He came back feeling dejected.  We prayed more - help us make the right decisions, help us make the right decisions - we did worry a bit that we weren't making the right ones.  The week that he got back he got an offer, and it was better than he was making in Maryland.  It all lined up right before the big move. 

When we got out here I knew we had to go to mass for our mental health and to start getting involved in the community out here.  I couldn't remember which parish I wanted to try, so we just went to the closest one to our new home.  They had JAMMING music.  Never before had I heard drums played in a Catholic church.  I grabbed a bulletin on our way out and looked over it later and on the front page was contact info for the church playgroup - it was the parish I had wanted to try.  I sent off an email and joined them for their field trip the following Friday.  

I remember one of the first homilies after we started going there was about asking someone that has made a point of attending church every week for a whole year and they will tell you they are better off for it.  I can't argue with that.  We've been going almost every week for two years and I can't tell you how much our family has flourished because of it.  Not only have they helped us, but I am hopefully giving back by now organizing the playgroup for them and helping with religious education. Honestly, I'm the one being educated during the whole process.  

I will admit right now that I've had my fair share of non-Catholic behaviors, trust me.  But I've come to the realization that it is okay - we are all flawed.  Every. Single. One. Of. Us.  What we have to do is earnestly strive to be better - recognize what we've done wrong - change it.  That doesn't mean we don't fail - over and over - but we have to TRY to be better.  I was raised Catholic, but I have reached a point where I feel I choose to be Catholic, not just because that is what I was baptized as.  It makes sense to me.  I'm not going to say that I don't have conflicts with all of their teachings - but I UNDERSTAND them.  I can see why they are their teachings.  I honestly struggle with transubstantiation - but I get it.  Honestly NFP scare the bejesus out of me - but I get it.

Faith has played such a huge role in shaping this road that we are on now.  Hubs won't get rich opening a rural care clinic, but he will be helping undeserved people.  He will be doing something to help his fellow neighbor.  He wants that so badly.  We are in a position now where I am able to donate my time and energy to helping others, even if it is just watching someones kids for a couple hours or gathering up food to donate.  

A couple months ago a saying struck me - I have no idea if I read it or heard it but it resonated with me, and I can not for the life of me find the quote or think of the right wording even though I could find it weeks ago.  It was basically that everything we do should be for Him, because everything is from Him.  I see it as, my life should be lived doing good for others, improving others lives, being the caring and generous person He wants me to be, because He is the reason for my life in the first place.  Was that too deep for you?  I know - I'm weirding myself out at this point too.  But it honestly gives me a sense of peace.  It is so easy to get caught up in current society and trends and culture - how many of us stop and ask ourselves what we are doing to improve the lives of others?  Even if you're not religious - when you are on your deathbed, are you going to wish you had more clothes or technology or money or are you going to wish you spent more time with your family or helping your neighbor?  Are you going to wish you spent more time loving?  I guess you could say I've reached the "what is the point of it all" stage in my life and found my answer for now.  Our point is to see what we can do to love more, help more, praise more - see if we can live the way we feel we are supposed to.  I can't say it will be without bumps and my husband is admittedly not an organized religion kind of guy, but he prays with me, goes to church with me, and loves me.  Even if he doesn't feel that he is a man of God - I see it in him.  This journey is forcing both of us to really assess how we feel about it all and what role it is playing in our life.  So far, it appears to be a pretty big one.

Too deep?  Yeah, it's been a crazy two years.  The whole point of this blog is to explain why we've made the choices we've made and why we are following this path. Hopefully my sleep deprived Mommy brain is explaining it in a way that helps you all understand it - but I can't make any promises. ;-)

New foundations - finances

When you're young, you think you know it all.  Yes, I admit it. You are going along with what culture is doing - what you're supposed to do.  Guilty.  Guilty.  Guilty.  But the great thing about life is that you can change.  You can step back and look at how you've been doing things and ask why.  Admittedly, not everyone wants to.  Some people have perfectly fine reasons for why they are doing things the way they are.  We realized our reasons weren't really that good.  Thank God.

I firmly believe people are put in our lives for a reason.  We learn from them, good and bad.  We learn about others and about ourselves.  In Maryland we became friends with some people we were politically aligned with.  One of them was a man we'll call Mark.  He and his wife are closer in age to my parents than to us, but we still meshed well.  We respected their opinion and when we made our decision to move, we asked them to dinner to discuss it with them. 

That night changed our lives. 

We told them our plan.  We were done with Maryland.  We were going to head west.  We would just rent out our properties in Maryland and manage it somehow.  We knew we were supposed to move, we just had to figure out how to make the details work.  We were drowning where we were and had no idea how an advanced degree and another child would be possible there.  It was looking like we would have to shell out at least $1000/month to cover the difference between the mortgage payment and rent we could get for our house, but what other option did we have?

Mark asked us "Why don't you just sell it."

"Well.....it would have to be a short sale."

 "Yes, but if they agree to it, what is the problem?"

 "Well......we signed a contract.  We promised to pay.  I just don't feel comfortable with that."

"Yes, but it is done in business every day.  Your circumstances have changed, so you can see if they are willing to renegotiate your contract.  They can always say no."

That very moment changed everything.  The reality is, most of us approach things on an emotional level, yet that is not how the corporate world around us is operating.  We were not approaching it from the perspective that it simply was not a feasible contract anymore.  It's business.  That is how they are operating yet not how we were. 

So we asked if they would renegotiate the contract.  And they did.  And our foundation was changed forever.  In addition to the house being sold, we brought a chunk of money to the table and we all agreed to settle the debt.  The transaction worked out for all and we started our next phase with a completely different outlook on finances.

 Why do we go into massive amounts of debt to feel that we have the "American Dream" of home ownership?  The reality is, there are lots of expenses that come with that "dream".  The reality is, debt is a burden.  The reality is, if you have debt, you are not free.  I can almost guarantee the ones that have been selling this dream are also the ones that have convinced the government to make your loan interest tax deductible, you know, to make getting into the massive debt sound like an even better idea. Did you know credit card interest used to be tax deductible?  How has that worked out for everyone?

We've embarked on a whole new life because we see everything with different eyes now. We can now move where ever and whenever we want.  We bought into the idea that you had to buy when rates were low and your home would appreciate and blah, blah, blah. Um, our house sold for more than $100k less than what we bought it for (with a fixed rate loan) five years earlier.  We were young professionals and were supposed to buy a house (before having kids, of course)......but were then stuck when our life goals changed and property taxes continued to go up and home values crashed around us.  It was our fault.  We own it.  There was no one to blame but ourselves.  So now we are doing it differently.

For now, we rent. Do I miss being able to make our home "ours" with personalized paint colors?  Of course, but is that really important?  Life has been considerably cheaper as a renter.  I don't worry about our furniture or decor being "just right" because who knows where we'll end up - so we use what we have.  Imagine that.  I'm much more content to have extra money in savings than to have an entertainment center that looks "just right" in our living room. We accumulate far less junk and have been getting rid of things, because who wants to move all that stuff another time?  Oh, the kitchen faucet isn't working?  The landlord gets to take care of that.  We still keep a nice house and do any repairs where we can (with prior landlord approval and reimbursement, of course) because we are decent people and want to live in nice conditions, but there is a very nice level of comfort when you know that if the roof needs to be replaced, it isn't coming out of our savings.

 Do I hope to own a home again someday?  Honestly, yes.  But there will be a huge difference.  Either we will pay for it all in cash, or you better believe that loan will be minimal and that land is going to be capable of contributing to our family through either food or income and that is just what it will do.  There are no free rides.  Yes, I like to feel all warm and squishy inside, but I like to be free of the shackles of debt even more.  We've also basically gotten out of the stock market, except for some retirement stuff that isn't as easy to move around.  We just don't trust it.  Easy come, easy go.  Do I really trust those people/companies, that I don't really know, to have my best interests in mind?   Nah.  At this point it is pretty clear that it is all a game where those in power are picking the winners and losers anyways.  We decided to take our ball and go home.  We're not playing that game anymore.  And you know what?  It feels so much better. (This is where you start thinking we are conspiracy kooks, right?)

We have used this new foundation to rebuild our savings.  Aside from some unforeseen student loan debt, we are doing well.  The plan from here is, once Hubs is done with his degree, to have him practice in a health care shortage area to get that debt forgiven.  Nice part is, almost all of this state, except one or two counties, is considered a health care shortage area. Yup, he'll basically have to be someone's b*tch for three years because he owes them.  That's what debt is - "something, typically money, that is owed or due."

We are at a point that we really prefer not to owe anyone anything.  We would rather be free to succeed (or fail) on our own.